YOU're a little flat!

I don't like to be criticized. Who does? But I totally get that criticism can make you better, so I take it pretty well. Usually.

But I just got "feedback" from my "boss" on a perfectly adequate headline I wrote. If you doubt the adequacy of my headline, here, judge for yourself:

"A compelling story of guilt and acceptance is now available in paperback."

Are you desperate to learn more about the book this headline describes? Probably not. But does this headline get the job done? Yes it does. I know because I have written hundreds just like it, and they have all been approved and printed.

Now, Beane, you may be thinking, perfectly adequate leaves plenty of room for critique. And I agree. In fact, since I'm writing hundreds of these in a compressed period of time, I totally welcome inspired suggestions. But...

"A little flat, no?"

Is that an inspired suggestion? Does that even qualify as criticism? I think it might just be commentary. Useless, unhelpful, irritating commentary. Without a single edit to accompany it.

Because, why, yes, it IS a little flat. Good observation! And just exactly what do you want me to do about it? Well I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna write a new headline, because you've evoked the perfectionist in me, the part of me who knows I can do better. But I'm not gonna like it. And I'm really not gonna like you.



p.s. In case you were curious, the revision: "He survived the fire—but can he get past the guilt?"